A slick dressed man rested on my seat this morning. He sat down his briefcase and began to enjoy a breakfast bagel. A curious and pesky pigeon landed on my back, interested in the bagel. In it's feeble attempt to snatch the bagel, it became trapped inside the peculiar briefcase. The next thing I knew, lasers were being shot passed my seat and back, and rockets launched past my legs. Utter chaos broke out. The man and the pigeon piloted briefcase continued their battle in the street before me, taunting one another with the objects of the other's desire; the man his high tech briefcase, the pigeon the bagel. Amid their scuffle, the Washington Monument opened up and released a missile from inside. The next thing I knew, there was an explosion in the sky. Soon after, the man, the briefcase, the bird, and the bagel landed back on the sidewalk next to me. After the man walked away with his briefcase and the pigeon started nibbling the bagel, it seemed the chaos had ended. Before I could settle back into my routine of patiently waiting for someone to occupy my seat, a missile head crash landed on the bird and the bagel. Serves him right for causing so me so much stress on such a beautiful morning, and destroying a perfectly good national monument. What will my occupants admire now?

The color blue reminds me of the ocean. I miss the ocean so much. I often find myself, eyes closed, longing for the sound of waves crashing against the beach. Blue is a calming and humbling color for me. It makes me think of large open skies and deep mysterious waters. It is a powerful color, embodying several elements, water and air. It also gives me the feeling of peace and encouragement. It is definitely a positive color, in my opinion. Which is funny, since the word "blue" has an alternate meaning of being sad. So I guess the word blue, for me at least, is an ironic word. I wonder what others feel about the word blue. Does it give them the same positive feeling that it gives me? Or do they associate it with its non-colorful meaning? Does it make them sad? It's not my favorite color, but it certainly makes top 3.

Be the Good. I believe everyone should strive to be the good they would like to see in the world. Be the helping hand. Be the shoulder to cry on. Be the humanitarian. Be the optimist. Be theenvironmentalist. Be all the good that you wish to see happen every single day. If everyone would do so, the world could be an amazing place. From large acts like starting a community garden, to small acts like holding the door for someone or helping them unload their groceries. If you have the financial ability, pay for the person behind you in the drive through. Give someone in need something you may not use or need anymore. Cook a meal for someone who is sick. Pick up the litter you would normally drive right past. Teach your children to be the good in the world. Teach them to see past their own needs, and into the needs of others. Have compassion. Don't be quick to judge. Offer to take your neighbor's recycling to the recycling center with yours. Start community recycling. Share from your garden. There are so many small things a person can do to make a big impact. Strive to be the reason a fellow human being smiles. I believe that one of the best gifts you can give someone is a smile.

If I could be any Crayola color, I would be forest green. It reminds me of something earthy and comfortable. I absolutely love nature, hiking, and the outdoors; all things this color reminds me of. I feel it is a calming color. A non abbraisive color. pleasing to the soul. I would like to aspire to be the same. A person others feel comfortable around, that is viewed as grounded and centered. It also reminds me of the moss in Washington. Something I miss very dearly, something that will easily grow on you if you stand still for just a little too long. I don't know, I'm honestly just kind of rambling now and don't know what to write. I lived in Arizona for a good portion of my childhood. Deep woodsy greens were not something I got to see very often, so I kind of held the color in reverence. I longed for trees, moss, grass, shrubbery, just anything that showed the presence of life that the color of green so often does. I found the desert gorgeous in it's own ways, but it lacked the life of the color green.

My biggest stress that gets in my way is finances. Financial stress causes problems in every facet of my life, such as my children and I's health, mental and physical. It is a very big burden for me at this time. I spend most of my days worrying and fretting over how I am going to get by from week to week. Sometimes, day to day even. It often breaks me down into tears and makes me feel like a failure as a human being. I don't feel like I can ever stay above water, let alone ever get ahead. I wish I would have prepared better for being a single parent on my own. I never imagined being in the position that I am in. It takes a great toll on my self esteem. I am always behind on my bills, worry often how I am going to afford to feed my children and I, can't afford proper medical care, can't afford leisurely activities that cost anything, I can't even afford my own car or house. I have to live with a friend, who by the grace of whatever gods may be out there, is very leanient on how and when I pay my rent and utilities. I honestly don't know what I would do without her right now. Another big stress that gets in the way of clear thinking is my current relationship. I know it isn't a healthy relationship and don't know how to pull myself out of it. I often tell myself that when the time is right, it will end on its own. Although, I know I will have to end it myself and that my previous statement is false. He isn't a inherently bad person, we just aren't a good match. We fight and argue often and probably cause each other more stress than we do any good. The suckiest part is that in some weird way, I still really love the crap out of him. I wish things were different between us, but I just really don't think its meant to be. I know the relationship is doomed to end at some point, but don't have the guts to end it myself now.

What if...
...I had my own house
...my son wasn't sick
...I lived in Washington
...I could take a nap after school
…I had eaten breakfast
...I wasn't thirsty
...it was snowing
...the United States fell
...my meeting tomorrow got cancelled
...my children were going to be with me tonight
…the transmission went out of my car
...I owned a double bass pedal
...the house was clean when I got home
...The Doctor was real
...I could fly
...the earth quit rotating
…the sun went supernova tomorrow
...I couldn't find my house key
…The dishwasher broke

What if I owned my own home? Well, my life would be completely different. I wouldn't have the stress of sleep due to loud roomates. I could freely decorate and remodel my home to my liking. I could build a garden. I wouldn't have to deal with the wasp infestation in my current home, and therefore not have to fear for my life in my own home. I wouldn't be able to miss rent. I wouldn't have the support of my roommate to help me out when I fall short. I could designate a room for my drums and not have to tear them down and set them up everytime I want to play. I would have way less dishes to do. I think overall, I would be so much happier. It would relieve so many stresses and give me a sense of privacy and independence that I reallly need right now. It has been difficult living with the roommates that I do. They have the opposite schedule of my family and are complete slobs. I hate my current living conditions. I have way too many people and furniture under one roof. There is absolutely no sense of personal space. I believe my children would also be happier. They wouldn't have to share a room and would have their own personal space. I could also have a place to send them when I no longer want
them playing in the living area. I could have a quiet place to study, and therefore do better in school. I wouldn't have to worry about anyone's mess but my children and I's. I wouldn't have to try to be quiet in the mornings while getting my kids ready for school. I wouldn't have to worry about other people eating my food, and so I could save a little money. I could take more pride in the place that I live. I could relax better when I was at home. I think that not having my own home has been a huge burden and stressor on my life. To the point that it is causing me health damage, which is not okay. It makes me miserable and sick most of the time. Living with my roommates has also ruined our friendship, which makes me sad. I have gotten to the point that not only do I despise her as a house mate, but I don't much like her as a person anymore either. I think the same has happened with her in regards to me.

What if I had a double bass pedal? I have been wanting a double bass pedal for my drum kit since the day I bought it. I feel limited with just the one pedal in so many ways. Most of which, is the types of music that I can play. My real passion is to play the heavier sides of metal, especially death metal. This desire is simply not feasible without the double bass pedal. There is only so fast that I can move my one foot, and death metal generally requires a speedy and complicated drum line. Lots of double bass. I believe owning a double bass pedal would make me a much happier and diverse musician. I could play around with new beats, and it would open many musical doors for me. It would also help me getinto a band that I would enjoy a lot more. I want to play in a death metal band, but no one will take me without the kit to back it up. It's been quite a struggle for me. Music is a huge part of my everyday life. It's crazy how much one small item could change my life. Silly really.

What if my car broke down? That would throw my entire world for a loop. I have three children all of which I have to drive to school, daycare, karate, and back home five days a week. I also have to get myself to school and back each day. My partner needs the car to get himself to work and back each day. Something as simple as not having a working vehicle would turn our world upside down. Luckily, we have insurance that would cover a rental car. So, we would still be able to do all the driving we normally do. It would, however, affect our financial situation. My family lives on a tight budget from paycheck to paycheck at the moment. So, If we had to fork out any extra money on fixing the car, things would become even tighter around the house. I would have to go without buying the "fun Foods" for a little while. I wouldn't be able to spend money on things like leisurely activity or out of home meals. It would be tough for a little while, but we would manage and get through it okay.

The first time that I ever picked up a drum kit, I was at a party and heavily intoxicated. It was the most amazing feeling that I have ever had, second only to the first sight of my children. The feeling was primal, natural. It just felt right. I picked up beats easy. There was an experienced drummer there at the party with me who helped to teach me simple beats that night. From that moment forward, I haven't been able to go a day without playing the drums. They are my mental outlet, my physical workout, my exaltation if you will. Nothing can compare to the feeling of letting myself go on a set of drums. I love it. I can't believe that I hadn't started sooner. It felt like I found a piece of my soul that had always been missing up until that point. I would encourage all to find that special "piece of their soul". Whether it be an instrument, a craft, a career. Just something that touches and motivates them in a way that nothing else can. I am stuck, I don't know what to say. I am going to type until I think of something. Anthropology! I have recently discovered that I am deeply interested in anthropology. It absolutely fascinates me. All of the different facets of human existence. It’s the study of who I am, who we all are, why we are the way that we are, and how we have gotten there. I hope to go on summer trips with different anthropology groups to various parts of the world. I think that would be amazing. To see all the wonders and beauty this planet has to offer. I only with that I had a longer life in order to see more. I will just have to make the best of what time I do have. See all that I can see. Experience as much as I can. I hope to never quit adventuring. I have never been very fond of staying in one place for very long. I want to spend as much time in this life traveling as my schedule and responsibilities allow.

I have recently discovered that I am deeply interested in anthropology. I have always found the topic interesting, but didn't realize how much it intrigued me until I started taking an introduction to anthropology class. I was able to learn all of the different types of anthropology that are out there, and that the topic covered more than I could ever have imagined. My professor is very laid back, and often our classes consist of just discussing different topics. We rarely crack open a textbook or have to watch a power point presentation, and I like that. It helps to keep me interested in the less fun topics, and gives me the opportunity to debate. I love to debate controversial topics. You could say it is one of my favorite passtimes. I tend to surround myself with people that also like to debate. I find it a fun way to get to know the individual, and a way for both of us to experience intellectual conversation. Sometimes, I make the mistake of bringing up the wrong subject with the wrong person. Not everyone is open minded on most subjects and can be very insulted when contradicted with their beliefs.